Insecurity or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one's self image or ego.A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future.

Thinking back, I don't want to feel inferior either but it doesnt seem like I can control any better, which is probably why I totally lost my cool just now. Yet again, feeling so insecure. Not sure if I have used the word correctly but now, it seems like the most appropriate word that I can use. I used to think that I am a confident and lucky girl and I think that two attributes go rather well together, to make who I am today. So what is confidence? And how do someone looks confident? To me, it's just remaining calm and protecting ego at any situation. I believe, everyone has had their intimidating moments before right? Especially, for fear of losing the one/thing they love. No matter how confident you are, you still have your vulnerability too. People may look cool on the outside or look like they dont care but how many of them really feel that metallic all the time? Or is it, during half of the time appearing cool, there were many deep thoughts and worries running through the minds. And, those were unecessary and unforseen worries containing lots of 'What if?' How confident can you be and how long can you stay to appear as it is? I cannot, for long. I have lost my ego and coolness to vulnerability or instability. A lot of people always say, ' Don't compare.' or ' Why are you comparing yourself? Everyone is different.' but this kind of thing is inevitable right? I am a human who wants to be better in any way, if I don't know what better actually is then how am I going to become better? This is also the reason why I feel inferior at times. Knowing that 'better' is like this or like that, and I can never be either or. Now having a partner, I feel even more inferior when he defines good criteria of someone else which I do not have in me. It is hard for me to admit this point but yes, because I am afriad of losing, and losing anything or anyone to a criteria which I do not have. And again, I am a human not perfect. I can't find a middle ground among everyone and please them. Just that, these are also human thoughts and feelings. Everyone is afriad of losing the things/ ones they love so I think it's only normal for me to feel this way right? Frequently, I try to keep my cool just to, not look like some petty women or just in case my ego is hurt for anyone. Today, I lost my coolness but I got a huge rock of my chest and, still having him here with me. As I stated, ' Thinking back..', I am trying to regain my coolness and at the same time, reflecting on how I can work this better. Anyway, if things are meant to be, they will.

with ferry much love,

Happy You Day, my Valentines. Wanted to find some love quotes to best represent how I feel towards you but then I think it will be best to be coming out from the bottom of my heart.
I would love to thank you for putting in effort in this relationship. Though I know, I can be very fussy, just like you, Im glad that you are always here to 'rectify' us. Knowing that things are not going to stay like when we just got together, but I truly hope the love remains the same. We can feel very annoyed at each other, but I pray that at every end of the day, we both will get reminded of how stupid it will be to fall apart because of all these trivial matter. So many things that I would love to say and to thank/sorry you for, but I dont know how to pen it down right here and I do not have the courage to tell you in your face. Most importantly, I just want you to know, dont ever think that I have stopped loving. And, I don't want to know that you have stopped either. Maybe througout, we did really love lesser. Every relationship has its doubts but yeah, just depending on how two souls can overcome them. My relationship is not perfect after all but I wouldn't say Im not happy staying here. In fact, I am happy most of the time. Though at times, we struggle and feel hopeless, we feel happy when the sadness is over. At least, if the same bad situation were to be back, we know we will make it through. Of course, when sweetness is all over, we take them for granted at times. It's mostly about give and take isnt it? Sometimes I really feel like Im out of just to keep trying. I try because it's worth it. Not complaining here but then yeah, if you know what I mean. I believe we both went through the same emotions, faced the same situations but Im just glad we are still here. It's getting a lil' emotional so I guess I shall stop writing. Hoping I would have the guts to say it right in your face, someday. I love you honey.

with ferry much love,